December 14, 2009
I just do.
Its much ado about nothing really. It’s not even funny giving gifts to people who already have lots of stuff and might be throwing away that present you’ve waited in the cashier’s line in the mall for hours just so you have something for them. It’s been lots of hullabaloos and a good profiteering scheme for all retailers worldwide!
It will be my plan to someday escape from all this nonsense and be gone…just drift away into no-mans land with no stress, hassle, humongous bills and fake smiles…
Hope your holiday is better…
October 6, 2009
The problem with hello is goodbye….
September 22, 2009
I am…
I can’t believe we can’t reach a compromise right now. There is a big possibility that I’d bag the dream job I’ve prepared my whole life for. And yet, after telling this to my other half, he was not at all happy about it. He is not being unreasonable. He just doesn’t want us to be apart for that long (this job has a lot of travelling and long-distance relationship will be our case!). He wants things as they are now, meaning I work in this job I’m beginning to be sick of and that we see each other every night. He wants us to be together after the end of the day and talk about how our day went. Happy and simple. I know, it sounds ideal.
But why do I even dare dream of having this job? Is that wrong to pursue ones dream when one is already married? Maybe I should compromise and forget about this new job? Life is good as it is already, why should I ruin it?
It just seems so unfair that it’s either I erase this new job possibility from my entire existence, this job that I’ve dreamed my whole life and been educated for or else lose my husband for the perfect career . Why can’t there be a middle ground in this?
September 9, 2009
It’s past midnight and I’m still wide-awake. As per my previous entry, judgement day and stuff…well I thought I will know how it will turn out but no, it’s another agonizing two weeks before I would know.
It’s actually a very delicate subject matter. But what the heck, nobody who reads my blog knows me personally so I can blog away and remain anonymous (I hope!)
Remember the evil ex-wife of my husband? Well, she is for me the epitome of evilness. We were in court last tuesday. By we, meaning me and my husband, my sister-in-law and bro-in-law as witnesses also. The case: my husband is accused of allegedly beating the hell out of his three kids in several occasions over a period of time. Several occasions like in the school’s premises when he allegedly visited them and at our place, where they were “locked in” for several hours!!!
I would be an A-list a**hole if I will lie about this infront of the jury. He is not a violent person and I have not, in our more than five years of being together, seen him hurt, even a strand of hair of these three kids. I would be the most horrible version of myself if I say good things about my husband when its not. But my conscience is clean and in my heart and mind, I’ve been as truthful to the court as possible. I defended my man. He is innocent and he doesn’t deserve to be there at all!
So imagine how he must have felt seeing video interviews of his three kids telling a lot of lies of how they were beaten by their father, how they were maltreated and how unfair he was to them.
I am just appalled at this. I still am and I can’t get over the fact that the children has even the capacity to say so many horrible lies about their own father who has struggled since the divorce, to live a normal life, at first by himself, and after, with me.
They are not even teenagers and they have managed to ruin their own father with these very detailed lies. My husband is shattered but still managed to stand up and make a closing statement. He said that he knows the children love him, that they are not the ones speaking on those video interviews but the mother’s brainwashing ways, and that he loves them whatever happens.
I’m just so goddamn frustrated and of course it doesn’t need a lot for a child to prove himself innocent in court.
I’m thinking how can I get over this betrayal by my stepchildren to their very own father? I am angry at them but at the same time I have to keep myself from thinking too much and avoid my emotions getting in the way. They are victims of a cunning ex-wife who still poisons their mind to hate their father and is succeeding as we speak. I’ve heard so much weird things about her (as told by the children) and even got to speak to her on several unpleasant occasions but I didn’t expect she is this wicked and rotten. I can’t even believe there is such an evil selfish person who uses her children to get even. It’s truly unbelievable!
Anyways, I don’t know. We will be hearing with the courts in what is going to be my longest two weeks of waiting.
September 7, 2009
Something life-changing is about to take place tomorrow until wednesday. Actually it’s only life-changing for me and my family, but too personal to tell. Maybe someday when all of these has passed and I can talk more freely about it.
I’m stressed and it feels like the world is not a safe place at all. There are just too many evil things happening around and even if you have lived your life with good intentions, it’s not what works for others, so they would want to mess your life as well.
I don’t know, I just feel sad, disillusioned and pissed off, really.
To top it off, how can you accuse those who broke your heart and yet you need to love?
August 31, 2009
Gone were the days
Where things are bright and clear
Where dreams are yet to be revealed
Where friendships are real
Days pass by
Where you are but a shadow
Getting even more pale and blurred
Yourself a stranger, a ghost.
August 24, 2009
I am currently watching the film right now, half-drunk and half-disillusioned.
Maybe it’s because I’m watching too many movies at the moment that I think too much and defeatist thoughts lurking through my mind.
Is this normal?
Thanks for the company, Smirnoff and Coke…
July 14, 2009
My bestfriend who lives oceans away emailed me about her man. Mr. X (let’s pretend this is her husband) asks for a two weeks off from her (my bestfriend), their one-year old daughter and another baby in the works (3-4 months I think!). She was, of course, devastated. These two weeks, as per Mr. X, is for him to know how it’s like out there in the single-men’s land without the guilt feeling and responsibilities awaiting for him at home (a.k.a. infidelity).
I have always had a funny feeling around her husband. He is a flirt. He even flirts with me in front of my husband and even sent me some sms while at it. But, as a sign of respect for my bestfriend, I ignored it and focused on her and their baby. I wouldn’t want to hurt her but I showed some signs of uneasiness (which I know my bestfriend felt as well).
How can this jerk of a man deserve my bestfriend? I know, I know. My bestfriend should wake up and make up her mind given this situation. If it was me, I would have left him even if baby no. 2 is coming soon. The thing is it’s not easy to tell, even to your bestfriend, to leave Mr. X, as it should be entirely her decision. All I can do is listen (or in this case, read her email agonizingly).
I emailed her back and told her to do what is right for her and for her children. And I’d support whatever her decision will be. I said my distaste for her husband but cannot elaborate too much as I know it will hurt her. She loves that jerk-o! I was at the brink of advising her to ask for the same arrangement with her husband (two weeks) and see if he approves.
To sum it up: they are still together and the two weeks didn’t push through. Well, in my mind, the two weeks is not unnoticeable even if they say it isn’t so…
July 14, 2009
The thing is there is nothing wrong with my life right now. And yes, it does feel like there is still something missing.
I quit working for that new company I was bragging about a couple of months earlier. They were all too unbearable to be with and in the end it’s just not for me. I like to live and let live. I don’t like people telling me what to do or what to say ALL THE TIME. I have a brain too. So, I quit!
Our IVF is on the hold as I’ve produced eggs more than I should and they say that’s not normal. At least I know I’m producing eggs still. Heard from someone that it’s genetic if you can’t produce eggs or in short blame your mother for your lack of eggs!
Summer has reached its peak and Norway begins to get darker by the evenings. I can just blame that for my mood swings and my search for that “something missing” part.
